First, let me take a selfie. Your god damn right I’m going to post the best selfie ever. I got ready not to go out and meet a new guy I got ready to look really hot in my selfie and send it to a fuck boy that wants nothing to do with me. It’s true they had to call it selfie because you can’t say narcissistic. That’s all it is really is but whatever its fun and you put on all that damn makeup and out heat to your hair might as well make it matter.

Most of the time I dont even go home to a fuck boy. They usually avoid me and I go home to food. I don’t look at my uber rating because I know its bad. I even have made my friends rating go bad. I one time ordered 20 nuggets two large fries and three cheeseburgers at McDonald’s. Me and my friend went home to eat it. Did we? No we blacked out on my brother couch and the dog ate it.

There was another time I went to wawa and got locked out of my frineds house. I stood in line with three breakfast sandwiches three pretzels and two bags of chip. When I went back to suprise my friends with goodies they were blacked out. After 50 calls to my friend I winded up calling my mother at 3 am. You up? That’s what I asked my 64 year old mother at 3 am. I went back to their home in jersey spent 40 dollars on my uber while leaving my friends very nice voice messages. My uber rating went down again after lovely ride home.

I was saved by these two friends the next morning. Naturally I left my parents door unlocked so they walked right in. I wore my moms clothes out to brunch and continued to get drunk. Why am I single? Because I binge drink and eat and not even uber drivers like me. But at least I took a selfie and send it to a fuckboy that wouldn’t let me come to his house.

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