Why am I single?

I’ll tell ya why. Because you are bat shit crazy. Along with all the other singles. Like I said in my last post you have to keep swiping to find your next psychopath. Your psychoness needs to match up with another’s psychoness. Or its never going to work. Even married people are crazy. They cheat they fight they call me drunk while fighting in front of each other. They leave. They come back. Psychos. Being a bartender and also being the youngest in your family and the only single one out of all your friends you see some shit.

I may be crazy but thank god I don’t have to go riding the same penis I really don’t even like anymore. Speaking of penis. Let me tell you about the one time I was hooking up with a guy on a couch. We went to have sex, a friend walked out and I fell asleep on his penis. No joke. Feel asleep on his penis. The next morning we woke up and I was scared to eject my vagina. I walked home awkwardly. My friends said that my vagina was molded into the shape of his penis.

We didn’t talk after that but I did see him at a wedding recently where he wasn’t invited with a plus one but still brought one, his girlfriend. There was a rumor that went around that he might be gay. I’d like to think I won that round. Yet again why am I single? Maybe because I sleep on guys penis’s for ten hours straight then walk back to my shore house the next morning.

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